Stuck in the middle.

I woke up late for work today since it seemed like no one was going to be there except for two other people. No one from management, anyway. Which naturally gave me a perfect reason to come in late... and leave early. I did have to run some errands though, so that's my excuse for leaving early, and I stick to it. Plus, I had to get ready for a New Year celebration despite the fact that I am definitely not feeling it.
As soon as I got home, I decided to check my email, something I got into a habit of doing ever since I found out that my work blocks them. And Facebook. And all other more or less entertaining websites. And there it was, the "Hi there. You don't know me but I have a question and you would be doing me a favor by answering it. Could you please tell me what your relationship is with S.? Please don't bring this up to him but I need to know. I don't mean any disrespect at all and if I have insulted you I apologize. Thanks." email. Sent yesterday afternoon. Really? I looked at the sender's address line - no clue who the person is. Where in hell did they, or rather, she get my email address from. How does she even know S. and I are friends? And then it dawned on me - good old Facebook, where else. I seriously need to block my profile there. I've been getting a lot of emails lately anyway from guys I don't know. I didn't even have enough time to ponder over this email, when I saw another message from the same person. This time, she wasn't so nice. "You know what... it doesn't matter anyway. You can disregard my previous email. If you're with him, or if any of your friends are with him... you can have him.
Thanks anyway". Alright, so we went from nice and polite to careless and, umm, benevolent in our desires to help with my search of significant other? Honestly, I could care less what's going on between the two of them, but I hate to be dragged into this. So I called S. to ask him about the girl. And yes, she did ask me not to tell him, but after all, what if she's some psycho that I need to be aware about? Just kidding. What I am not kidding about is the fact that I wanted to know what exactly I am getting involved in. So here's the scoop: apparently they dated a few months ago, broke up, but she never got past it. She saw a picture of me and him in his Facebook profile and decided to find out what's going on. The funny thing is, right next to that picture of me and him, there's another one of him and R. but apparently she decided to ignore it and went straight for me. Ugh, why couldn't she pick R. to stalk? I always seem to get the best deal...
So after he told me the story, I decided to reply to her email despite the fact that S. told me not to waste my time. I mean, her first email was proper, as for second... well, maybe she is bipolar, who knows. In any case, she deserved an answer. I got distracted with some other things though and when I finally decided to reply (which was about fifteen minutes ago), I had another email from her. This is getting exciting! "You really shouldn't have told him. As a woman I was looking to confide in you and vice versa, but I guess you aren't capable of that, and you have your own reasons I guess. Just a word of warning: he is manipulative and a liar. He's got serious issues that make him incapable of maintaining a normal relationship. Whatever he tells you about me, here is the truth: we were together almost a year and I've known him for almost twelve. He will tell you I'm crazy; he's wrong. I just deluded myself into thinking I could change him. So, I'm sorry if I dragged you into something that you had no part in - my mistake. I was desperate for answers and I still have none. I have to go on my gut and believe he hasn't been faithful to me, either with you or with other people. And I know you will show this to him or tell him about it - it doesn't matter. He and I are finished. Sorry again." Yes, talk about feeling desperate. It did make me feel guilty for talking to him for about a second, but after all, I did have my reasons to find out what was going on before I jump into it.
So I replied to her, to both of her emails. To the first one, "Hi, I asked him about you because I was wondering where you got my information (then i thought of Facebook since apparently that's how this whole story started)/or why you're thinking he and I have something going on. He didn't see any emails... I wouldn't show it to him either way. Here's the thing though- if you meant whether something is going on between me and him in a romantic way - you are wrong. I don't have a romantic relationship with him - never have either. I don't know why you are thinking that, but it's not the case. My friends are also not dating him. As for other people - I don't know, I don't talk/ask about his personal life. He is a friend of mine, and that's it. It is your choice to believe me but I really have no reason to lie since, as you've said yourself, I don't even know you. I don't know what happened between you and him, and it is between you guys and I hope you can figure it out somehow. Thanks and take care." Decent enough, I think, and respectful.
And to the second email, "Like I said, if he's been unfaithful to you, I am sorry to hear that, but it wasn't with me, or with my close friends. I can't speak for other people. I hope it will give you some answers you are looking for. Really, all we did was take some pictures while he, my other friend and I were all out. They do not have any connotations and if you look, there's exactly the same picture of him and my friend on Facebook as well... as well as with bunch of other people. I guess that's all... at this point I don't know what else to say so you believe me..." After I re-read it, it did sound like I was apologizing, which I hate but at that point it was too late as I have already sent it. Oh well. Cursing her out would be a much worse option, in my opinion. So hopefully, this will be the end of our little word exchange.
Although, when do I ever get what I wish for...

Unanticipated.

Last night, I met A. for the first time. Well, technically, it was the second time I saw him, but officially it was the first. I have to admit, though reluctantly, that I ended up having a good time. I came to DC a little bit early to get some pampering done before New Year. Nothing bonds you more with your friends as a trip to a spa...
We were meeting up at 9pm, so I told R. I would be back around midnight so we can go out somewhere downtown. Then I was off.
We decided to start off in Georgetown. He reserved a nice private table upstairs which guaranteed complete privacy. If I were in a dating mood, I would say it was romantic. Dim lights, candles and a table in the corner separated by panels ensured total seclusion. We spent a few hours talking before moving to another place a few blocks down. Again, we were able to get a table, despite the late hour (I assumed everyone was out for holidays). I still am not sure how it happened, but the next time I checked the time, it was almost 3am... Talk about being back by midnight. The good thing, we never shut up for more than a few seconds and the conversation was just flowing naturally. Apparently, this guy can talk his way out of any situation as well. At the end of the night, he dropped me off at my car and we agreed to meet up next week after he comes back from his ski trip. Ski trip... I hate him.
Oh and by the way... the guy was married before (is married?). I did appreciate the fact that he told me about it right away but the whole ex-wife situation makes me slightly cautious. I will need to talk to K. to fish out more information.
After he left, I went to R. place to pick up my stuff and again, we stayed up until 5am rehashing the details of my night out... Girls talk.
I think we are supposed to meet up for lunch today. And I am late for it... More to come.

Accidental date.

I am definitely definitely feeling like staying in today. It is raining, cold and nasty, so my bed and some nice wine, along with reruns of House seem like a perfect idea right about now. I was trying to relax this weekend after the week of non-stop outings. Today, it's been working out just fine. Although I am not sure it will hold up... Shall we start at the beginning though?
This week, as I've expected was painfully slow at work. No one was there and if I ever decided to show up late or leave early, there would be no one to prevent me from doing so. I've spent most of my time reading news and doing some market research. Fun, I know. I also strongly believe that at some point on Thursday, I've reached the end of Internet. That's when I knew it was time to leave. Yet, despite having nothing to do at work, I still didn't feel like doing anything tonight. I did my laundry though...
I also accidentally accepted a date with A. tomorrow night. I still sit here pondering how it happened. It all went approximately this way: as soon as I finished washing the first load of clothes, my phone rang. The call was from some unknown number, but I picked up anyway... against my better judgment and common sense. It was the guy I met at my friend's Christmas party. We spent some time socializing that evening, but I talked to him no more and no less as I would talk to anyone at the house gathering. As far as I remembered, he was doing promotions for a few places I like in DC, so when he asked for my phone number, I figured he needed it in case he and his crew planned a new party. Even now, as I talked to him and he mentioned something about going out tomorrow, I figured it was for one of their events. Hence, I said I was going to be there... "Alright, so I will call you tomorrow so we can settle the details and I will pick you up". Pick me up? That just spelled "date" for me. The phone conversation with R. half an hour later confirmed it. "Yup girl, he just asked you out on a date", she said.
Great. I mean he seems like a nice guy, but I really am not sure if I even want to jump into anything right now. These past few months have been really fucked up, and knowing my attitude towards dating, this one has more chances than ever to fail miserably. Nonetheless, I agreed to go out tomorrow. Either way, he didn't mention the word "date", so I could always claim it was just a friendly encounter. On the positive side, he seemed like an great guy, interesting to talk to, which is extremely important if you go out for dinner and drinks.
Because in this case, all you have to rely on, is the conversation itself and your communication skills. And obviously, my natural charm and magnetism...
As if...

The end is here.

So officially, my Christmas celebration started this Sunday when my family was having their usual annual dinner. It was pretty much the standard affair with thirty of my closest relatives and a whole lot of noise. And all I had to do was show up... which was pretty easy if you don't take into account the fact that I got to bed around 5am the night before. Yet, I managed it pretty well - I was home by 2pm that afternoon, which left me just enough time to take a shower and drag my ass to my family's place. A few hours later, I made some lame excuse and bailed out of there to have the rest of the evening to myself. To try to make what was left of it peaceful and quiet.
On Monday, I went to another Christmas party, this time the one my friend was throwing. The one I ran to get wine for the day before. I arrived an hour and a half late, and still was among the first who showed up. To be exact, I was third. It was a Russian party but for some reason everyone who came in, brought wine. A bit abnormal, if you ask me. Naturally, it was all gone by the end of the night. Wine or no wine, no one had a problem drinking it. The party was a blast and everyone ended up having an awesome time. I did notice something hilarious though - since we were stocked up on wine, everyone kept drinking it. Everyone, except the only non-Russian guy there. He was sipping vodka... I swear, at that moment the world turned upside down... the traditions just went down the drain... At some point, another friend of mine was trying to make a toast and when he brought his glass to mine, he broke the damn thing. As I recall, one moment I was standing there, glass on wine on my hands, about to take a sip, and the next - I see pieces of glass in my wine as that guy decided that my wine glass will withstand his beer glass. Naturally, it didn't... He said he was going to take care of the problem - he took the glass from me, poured the wine out on the grass, threw the glass away too (question, why the hell would you pour the wine out first?), and brought me a plastic cup. To avoid future incidents, I suppose.
We then had some more wine... then some shisha... then wine... etc., etc., etc...
At the end of the night, just when I was about to leave, another guy showed up to say there are tons of sobriety standpoints all over DC and that driving somewhere would be unwise, to say the least. At that point I decided to call R. to see if she can pick me up. She was free and agreed to come and get me. I decided to spend the night at her place since I wasn't feeling like driving and a bottle of wine and shisha I had didn't do much to wake me up... I woke up the next morning around 2pm, and after having breakfast (that R. conveniently cooked for me and her roommate) figured it was time to leave. R. said she was going to drive me back, but at that exact time A. called and said he was coming back from Reagan and could pick me up so we could talk a bit. I agreed, and so did R. (it definitely beat the option of having to drive me all the way back). I met up with A. shortly thereafter. Apparently, he still has a lot of shit going on for him that he's trying to resolve... We spent half an hour or so talking about different stuff and when he finally dropped me off and I made it home, it was 5pm.
Finally, the crazy weekend ended and I could breath free. Or free-er. It is only five days till New Year anyway, and I have a feeling the madness will all resume then.

Christmas Eve.

I am tired by now. I have been out every day since Thursday with no end in sight. Despite all my attempts to stay home, I ended up out again since I promised N. last week to meet her up for drinks. We decided to meet up in Georgetown to start off, and then possibly move somewhere else. That is, if the mood strikes us. Before our "date" though, I got a phone call from R. asking if I could come over before we all meet up so that we can go together. She also said she had some news for me... Marriage, anyone? At least that was my first thought... but she already told me she's getting married, there are no news there...
I got there around 7pm and trust me, the news were important. I figured out what happened as soon as I looked at her (even though she tried to play coy with me and make me wait until we got upstairs), but I also promised her I would not say what it is, so there goes... damn it, I can't say, but the news were, well, news. Can only be disappointed in your own inaction though. And unfortunately, I have to stop at this because if I say anything else, I may not live until 2008... We spent the next hour or so brainstorming different solutions and possibilities and finally came to conclusion as to what had to be done.
After that, we were off to meet the gang. I was so excited to N. and V. again as it's been forever since the last time I saw them. To be more exact, about four months. We had dinner with some wine and a small dose of flirting. At first, I kept exchanging some glances here and there with the guy sitting at the next table. No one noticed that except for V. Honestly, I was surprised he even saw anything since most of the guys I know are usually oblivious to what's going on around. He winked at me and then gave me a high-five. I think the guy at the other table noticed that since ever since then, his glances became more discreet. But not obsolete. Next, as V. and I stepped outside to smoke, some girl started a conversation with us, and according to V., was hitting on me. I didn't get any vibe from her, but I guess it's our conversation about strip clubs that made him think that way. Plus, I suspect she was hitting on him, but you never know these days...
We left an hour later, and since the mood has indeed stricken us, headed to the lounge in the Penn Quarter, where I haven't been since, probably, the early 2006. We had a decent time there, and were about to leave when I ran into this guy I went to school with. It was amazing to have run into him there since last I heard, he moved to New York right after graduation. Apparently, he came down here to visit his family for Christmas. We talked for a bit, catching up on the latest news and events, seeing where the life has swung us. He reminded me about the stupid class we have taken and complained about his current job, his trip home and his haircut... which he desperately needed.
After that, everyone was pretty much done for the night, so we headed back home shortly thereafter. I got to bed around 5am again, and had to wake up early since I had to pick up some wine for the house party my friend is throwing for Christmas. Tonight. That starts in six hours.
Damn, when will this all end?

Long live cheap beer.

Now I distinctly remember why I used to like college bars. You can argue all you want saying the crowd sucks, and so does the music, and overall it is not appropriate to show your face there after you graduated. Stop feeding me your bullshit... I am convinced now, it is all irrelevant.
As you've probably guessed, that's where I was last night. It was B.'s birthday and M. invited me to come along. Me, in turn, dragged along R. in case I should get bored and we decide to leave. Plus, I figured it would be a nice change of environment for both of us. We got there around 11PM convinced no one charges cover fees in a college bar. Wrong number one. They did have a cover. However, when R. and I headed out to a nearest ATM, the guy on the doors just told us to go ahead... Positive number one: nowhere decent in DC would you be able to sneak in without the cover (that is, unless you know someone). Here, you don't even have to ask. The first place I headed for, was the bar. Once again, I was sure, they don't even take a credit card. Wrong number two. They do. Positive number two: they don't have a spending limit on it, and sometimes they forget to put all that you ordered on your tab. Case in point, when my bill arrived, I was only charged for two drinks instead of three that I actually ordered. In reality, I still expected to pay around twenty dollars (including tips) for all that I had. Wrong number three. College bar drinks are dirty cheap since students never have money ( I was one, so I remember). Positive number three: I paid less than seven bucks for all my drinks. You cannot beat that... anywhere... in DC. But you also don't encounter uneven, impossible to dance on, floors anywhere in DC. Oh well, just one little flaw among all the positives...
Afterwards, the guys headed home, and I got a phone call from T. inviting me to join him at another DC lounge. R. was up for it and so less than twenty minuted, we were there. He smuggled us in to avoid the lines and check ups, and hence the party started. The moment I walked in there though, I ran into S. Whom I previously asked what he was up to but he didn't respond. Oh well. Misunderstandings happen... Nothing excitingly interesting happened that night, and after some serious body shaking (not from my side, mind you), R. and I headed home... Or shall I say, to get some food. I was tired as hell and was hoping to get something real fast and crash at R.'s place. But no, she decided it was imperative to drive all the way to Crystal City to eat... as if DC doesn't have McDonald's. But we did, stopping by to pick up some more food for S. too. We then headed to his house instead of R.'s, where we finally ate. At that point, I was practically starving and did not care much where we are going. Although I was the one driving while R. fed me some bread from the back seat. As soon a I finished my food, I pretty much passed out in the chair while S. and R. were still blabbing about nothing. We ended up staying their for the night, and she drove me back the next morning.
So here I am, having just gotten home, trying to get a hold of N. since she called me earlier this week to see if I wanted to go out.
Naturally, I am always up for it...

Shortie.

Guess what? I don't have to be back at work until Wednesday of next week. And even though Wednesday, January 3rd would sound much better, I am still pretty excited about it. So excited, in fact, that I started my celebration early by attending a Serbian party in downtown DC. It was very, very decent... waking up this morning was less than glamorous though. As usual, I overslept and had to literally fly to work to ensure I am only a little bit late. Which I was, but only about ten minutes. No one really noticed it since everyone was too excited with anticipation of coming vacation and a team lunch. We have been planning this lunch for a while now, and I was hoping that we would be able to leave right after it.
...Have you ever seen your senior manager lick his phone? Neither have I... until today. As soon as he finished talking on his cell phone, he looked at the screen and licked it... I swear at that exact moment I just froze and sat there, staring at him... at his phone... back at him... back at the phone. He soon noticed me shifting my gaze from one to another, blushed profusely, and told me he was just cleaning it.
"So that's how you cleaning it?"
"It was dirty...."
"And that's why you licked it?"
We all laughed for good five minutes after that. On the upside, it's good to know we don't have any germaphobes here.
We left work around noon to make it there on time, and naturally, everyone was late. No wonder, Christmas traffic is horrendous. Lunch, on the other hand was good. Leaving home right after it was amazing.
This weekend is shaping up to be pretty busy... It barely started and I already have every day planned out with a different activity.
Although when did it ever go according to the plan? Doubt that this time will be any different...

As expected.

This morning, I totally forgot about the meeting my director scheduled with me. I only remembered about it a few minutes prior to it, when my meetings alarm went off. As I predicted, he wanted to talk about my overall experience with the team. He did not fail to mention my potential permanent spot on the team either. So it seems like he managed to kill two birds with one stone, even before I had a chance to bring it up. And yes, it looks like I might have to look for another spot in the company because the lady who I am replacing is due back in the middle of January. He did say that he would like to keep me, but also mentioned he is not sure if it's possible since the team may be "overcrowded" then. Well, that doesn't mean shit if you ask me. That could be a sweet talk to better the fact that it may not work out after all. I don't know anymore... I guess I'll wait till mid-January and then... not sure what I'm going to do then. Although it does seem as if he wants to keep me on the team, you just never know. It may change tomorrow. After all, if there are no spots, then I can be a genius and I still don't get a position. It's just fucked up and now I feel like it's ruining my holidays. He did say though, that if his scenario doesn't work out, there are other spots in the company where I would be able to move to. Nonetheless, it is not a definite answer and not a promise... just an experience. Unfortunately, everyone knows that past results are not indicative of future returns. Plus, who knows how much longer I will have to wait before I feel secure here...
Feels like it's time to go home...

Get your booties on...

Today, I discovered a new feature in my phone. Turns out, it still works after you drop it on the concrete floor. That's a good one for someone as clumsy as I am... A piece of advice: never try talking on the phone while trying to put a shirt on... I am grateful for durable Samsung phones.
It turns out, I am not as helpless as I thought. Even though I had to stay up until 5am last night to finish the damn exam, I did it and I passed it. Now all I need to do is to actually read the book.
The classes got much better too. I enjoyed today's session a lot. Partially, because I was able to do everything that's required. But mainly because I stopped banging and scraping my knees on the bottom of the pool every time I'd come down. It also didn't hurt to have a full view of one of the instructors - and let me tell you, wetsuits show off every curve and each muscle. And the man looked damn fine. I wouldn't mind some private lessons with him. Although my instructor was amazing too. After all, the guy taught me how to breath through my mouth or nose, separately.
I truly cannot wait till we go to Nassau and do some real diving. Because fifteen feet is child's play for me. Forty five is more like it. Sharks being there helps too. If only R. and R. could go too. That way, we'd be able to turn those five days into a full-blown vacation. S. and I are working on convincing them.
Five days of blissful, uninterrupted fun... Damn, do we all need it...

Two bottles of liquor aren't enough, but three are too much...

... Why don't take five so not to run to the store twice...
I just came back home a few minutes ago. Tired as a dog running a marathon. Today has been hectic, with the exception of work, where I did nothing but sat on my ass drinking hot tea all day long. My director sent me an invite to a one-on-one meeting though for next Monday. Now I have two things in mind. First, he's going to tell me they have finally decided to keep me and my probation period is over; or second where he'll suggest I look for another spot in the company. Any of these scenarios might happen. It could also be a third possibility that he just wants to find out how I am doing and whether I have any concerns, but I highly doubt it's that. Honestly, at this point I'd rather know what's going on one way or another - the uncertainty is killing me. I would finally like to know what's going on to have at least some stability in one part of my life. Because so far, everything seems to be going wrong and falling apart.
I left work early to go to my scuba diving class. I think it is the only thing right now that's keeping me somewhat sane. Otherwise, it would be nothing but a slide downhill. I do have to admit that I am excited about it, despite the fact I haven't even opened the book. I am wondering if I can pass my final on Sunday without reading the book... I guess I'll find out tomorrow, when I open it for the first time in the last minute... We are supposed to be in the pool tomorrow, and water has a calming effect on me so hopefully that will help...
After my class, I went to Clyde's to meet a friend of mine, A. I haven't seen him in a while and figured it would be a nice time to catch up. When I got there, A. and few of his friends I never met before were there and it seemed like everyone was having a blast. We stayed there for about an hour, during which we managed to disrupt the place, drink a whole lot of wine (well, I am speaking for myself) and finish a three course dinner.... Although I do have to admit, we ended up sharing the food... And I finally saw A.'s new car. It rocks... I need to snap a few pictures for my album. It seems though that I am not the only one having problems. On our way back, we were talking and he brought up a very nice, if not convenient, thought. It is, after all, the end of they year and even though things seem to be going awry in every aspect of our life, the new year should bring more stability and comfort. Damn, I wish I shared his optimism. I wish you could just jump from one year to another, or month to month, and all your worries and troubles erased themselves. Wouldn't life be easy and convenient then? Just struggling through a few days in order to start everything all over again...
Life's a bitch though and I am too old now to believe this fairytale...

A reach out, perhaps.

Yesterday was absolutely crazy at work. It was our busiest day of the month, and everyone stayed until 11pm. At least now I can say that we are officially done... with this part. And I also truly hope I can leave early today to somehow catch up with what I missed last night. That is, if nothing else comes up.
Something funny happened last night. Well, I wouldn't exactly call it funny, but certainly thought-provoking. I was taking a short break from work around 8pm, talking on the phone to R. in the hallway, when it beeped twice.
"Hey R., I think I just got a text from you. Hang on"
That text message definitely wasn't from her. "I don't regret being with you. I always will be part of you. Hope we can talk one day..." There we go again. Wasn't the fact that I ignored his text last Thursday enough of a hint? Really, did he think it may take me six days to reply? I figured, by ignoring his last text message, I would "inadvertently" let him know it's over. Please notice the quote and my sarcasm... I guess it didn't. And what is up with being a part of me? Yes, I understand that he would like to continue seeing me, but sending texts will not make that happen. Just another confirmation that the only thing he is sorry about is that he got caught. Apparently, he doesn't have any other regrets about anything.
Neither do I, really. Just happy I found out... Better later than never.
I was thinking for a while whether I should even reply to the message. If I do, I might provoke more responses, and I am not too eager to hear from him again. If I don't, then he has the last word. So not happening.
So I said, "Do you really think we have something to talk about?". Not an invitation to talk, not a grain of understanding, nor hope.
And I haven't heard back...

An immense fuckup.

No, this is simply ridiculous. The only damn day in an entire month when I have to be at work early, and what do I do? I set my alarm for pm... When I woke up this morning, I felt something was wrong. After all, I actually felt somewhat rested and energized. I knew it couldn't be happening at 6am. Not with me. A quick squint at my alarm clock confirmed my earlier suspicion - it was almost 8:30 am. I had to be at work half an hour ago. I jumped out of the bed, flew to the shower... I swear it was the fastest shower I have ever taken in my life - five minutes and that's including brushing my teeth... Another five was wasted on trying to make myself look somewhat presentable. I gave up on that though and decided to simply dry my hair and try to pass it as a it-is-supposed-to-look-this-messy-bedhead hairdo. After pulling some random pants and a shirt from my closet, I was out of my house by 8:43am... Not bad for something that usually takes a full 45 minutes. Miraculously, I made it to work half an hour later. Naturally, my manager was laughing when he found out what happened but somehow I didn't share his joyful mood... I asked to leave a bit earlier last night, and was late today. Doesn't look too good when my evaluation is coming up... Oh well, at this point there's nothing I can do, nor can I influence anyone's decision. What's done is done and should something happen, I guess I will be looking for another position.
Speaking about yesterday. The reason I left early last night was to get to my first scuba diving lesson, and let me tell you, I am absolutely pumped up about this weekend. Or Nassau, for that matter. I just need to start working on my passport as soon as humanly possible...
Even though I knew I had to get up early today, I ended up staying pretty late wrapping up a few things. My friend M. was also online, and every time he is, we end up getting into some sort of discussion that starts off with "What did you do this weekend" and ends somewhere around the meaning of life. This time too, after discussing all our latest adventures, he made a good point that people always want to have something different from what they have already. Or that we always want what we can't have. Somehow I believe that it is in one's nature to yearn for unattainable or forbidden. It seems like the majority are not satisfied with what they have and always try to venture out there to "explore other possibilities". Or keep their options open. I am also wondering why can't we just be content with our current situation, and appreciate what we have. Perhaps be grateful for it? After all, many people I know who claim they are not satisfied are, in fact, more or less established individuals who, if they only dared to look at themselves from the side, would realize that their situation is far from the grim one they describe...
Since when have I become a philosopher?
And if I am supposedly so busy at work, how come I have time to post this blog which many would probably find useless anyway?

Illicit gestures.

I finally got out last night after a little break I've been taking. R. and I agreed that I'd be at her house between 10:30pm and 11pm, then we were supposed to wait for S. to wake up from his nap, and then go out around 11:30pm. However, I wouldn't be myself if I actually showed up on time... I got there around 11:45pm. S. wasn't there yet though so it wasn't like I was raining on anyone's parade. His Holiness finally showed up around 12:30am and we were able to go at last. At first, we tried the new place we wanted to check out forever, but it was so packed, we left and headed for [DC lounge]. Fortunately this time, everyone ended up having an awesome time... I think all three of us needed to get out. Seems like there's been some shit going on, and this week, it was with all three of us. So instead of busting anyone's balls we decided to go dancing and blow off some steam that way.
As I was dancing though, some guy grabbed my hand and tried to dance with me. I was in no mood to meet someone though so I just brushed him off. He didn't give up and five minutes later I felt his hand on mine again and this time it felt as if he were humping my hand. I remember thinking it was weird, but for the second time, I brushed him off and went outside for a smoke to give him a chance to get lost in the crowd. When I came back he was gone, and the rest of the night was fun, but uneventful. That is, if you don't count a dance off between five or so guys. I also ran into a guy whom I've seen at another DC hot spot quite often - turns out he is a manager there. R. and I ended up chatting with him for thirty minutes or so, which, I believe, has secured us an access to that place whenever we have a need to go.
The real fun started when we left the place and decided to get some food. On our way there, S.'s friend, W., joined us. We decided to grab a quick bite in my favorite place downtown and as we were waiting for our food, I saw a hand-humping guy walk in. He headed towards us and while his friends were ordering, broke a conversation with W. When we left, I told W. what happened in [DC lounge] and asked what the guy talked to him about. Turns out, the guy asked W. if I were with S. When he said "Yes", the guy smiled and said he could have taken me home with him if we hadn't left... Hilarious kid. Well, turns out that the hand-humping is actually a new gesture that means "Want to go home with me?" Well, that explains everything. The guy approached me on the dance floor, and when I turned him down, he apparently saw me talking to S. and figured we were together. After that, when he saw us at the food place, yet again together (I guess he ignored R. sitting right next to me), he decided to ask W. about it. And when W. "confirmed" us being together, he couldn't help but make a snotty remark. Oh well, just another asshole... what can you do.
I just seem to be running into a lot of them lately...

Closure?

So yes, even though it has been three days, whatever happened on Tuesday is still bothering me. Not as much though, especially after I talked about it with my friends. I have to say, I got a great deal of support from them and even a few suggestions as to how screw up his life. Don't think I'm going to follow it though. I guess one thing that I am missing now is some closure, or a real explanation. For example, an explanation as to how he managed to get away with me for the entire weekend without anyone finding out or getting suspicious. But how do you get closure in a situation like this? I am sure he's too much of a coward to explain himself further. If he kept this from me for this long, how can I really expect him to contact me again. Especially since he knows I am very against affairs... especially the ones I don't know I am involved in. Oh well... Another few days or so to snap out of it and finally move on.
On a brighter note, I met a few new people at work on Thursday. I was just so immersed in this mess that I totally forgot to mention it before. I had a work meeting on Thursday in another building and as I was walking back, some girl who looked remotely familiar stopped me... Let me back up here a little. This past Tuesday, we had a work training and the girl who was conduction it, referred to me a few times by name. Then as I was about to leave, I needed to schedule another meeting and while I was talking to the trainer, I noticed a girl standing a little bit to the side, looking at me from time to time. I still remember I felt a little bit weird, kind of the way you feel when you realize you have food in your teeth and no one tells you about it. However, they all left soon thereafter and I went back to my work, forgetting about it soon thereafter... Fast forwarding to Thursday, the girl was the same girl who kept looking at me during the initial meeting. We talked for a few minutes, and then decided to meet up for lunch. She said she was going to email me with details. When I got back to my desk, she did. We agreed to have lunch next Monday and she said she might bring along another friend of hers. Great, the more people, the merrier. The funny part though, is that I tried to get in touch with her a few weeks earlier, for a work-related stuff, and now it turns out it's the same girl whom I tried to contact. So, we'll see what's going to happen Monday.
Also, I finally brought myself to email my manager and discuss the possibility of ending my probation period at work to secure my position. I told her that I am very interested in staying with this department and asked for some feedback. I asked her if perhaps we can set up a meeting with her and my director to go over the details. Her reply? "I am considering you staying in this position. I will review the process and let you know. It is my decision and no one else's". What the fuck was that all about? I never got that kind of vibe from her, she always seemed so laid back. First of all, "considering" me, doesn't mean shit, it's neither a yes, nor a no. Second, it is not her decision and I don't know why she wants to make it sound like one. Third, she could have been nice in her reply. Oh well, we'll see what happens once she's done "reviewing the process".
At least if I could secure the job, I could focus on other things. I really don't need to be thinking about this too, on top of all the other drama that's going on...
Back to Three Days Grace.

Karma is a bitch.

The part where I feel nothing but revulsion. I am absolutely appalled and disgusted. Remember the guy I resumed hanging out with a few months back? How I stopped seeing him last summer, only to text him one night after having few too many drinks? How I decided to keep seeing him while I was single to avoid all the random bar hookups? Well, it was working out perfectly fine until today. Apparently, during that year that we had to contact with each other, he got married and conveniently forgot to mention it once we started hanging out again. Yup, you heard me right, married. I cannot believe that he lied about it and kept seeing me all these months. I cannot believe that he cheated on his wife mere months after their wedding. I cannot believe that he accepted responsibility of marriage and took vows, only to break them the moment I texted him. I cannot believe that every time we saw each other (which happened at least once a week), he would take his wedding ring off and put it in his pocket, only to go back to his wife a few hours later. I also cannot believe that he came up with the elaborate story as to why we can't meet up at his place... saying that since his parents go out of town a lot (which is true and which I knew before we stopped seeing each other last year), his ill grandmother and his cousins from California have to stay with him.
The thing that really ticked me off is the fact that he didn't have basic common decency to tell me about it when I texted him that fateful night. All he had to do was to say, "I got married", and I all I would say would have been "I am out". And I would run away to find myself another boy toy. It's not like I ever wanted a relationship with this guy, or anything at least remotely serious with him. You got married? Fine, there's more fish in the sea. I don't need a boy toy who is married. Nice to know you...
I am also wondering how long did he think he was going to pull this off for without me finding out? And another thing I am furious about? He still would have never told me about it if I hadn't accidentally found out. Which brings me to the second part of the story...
The part where I found out he is married. So we were supposed to meet up this past Tuesday and he picked me up that evening. As we were driving to his house, I saw what I first thought was a ring... I guess it was more of a glimpse and I didn't think much of it. He used to wear some monogram ring a few years back so I didn't really pay attention. However, later that night when we were fooling around, I touched his hand, and as I was sliding my fingers up and down, I noticed that the ring was gone. That was a little bit suspicious but I was too busy and involved in the action to pay any attention to it. As I was sitting at work today, my manager and director were sitting opposite me talking about something passionately. As they were gesturing and waving their arms up and down, I noticed that both of them had their wedding bands on the left hand (I knew they both were married so I figured those were wedding rings). I started thinking more and more about the ring that I thought I saw Tuesday night and just felt uneasy about the disappearing act. I also realized that the ring looked different than the one he wore a few years back. It looked very simple, more like a band. So I texted R. asking her if she knows which hand and finger people wear wedding bands on. "Left hand, I think. Ring finger, next to the pinkie", she said. His ring was on the left hand. Not sure about the finger though. I shared my concerns with R. and she told me to "confront the bastard immediately". She also said to call him, but I decided to text him instead. "Are you married?", I asked. Twenty minutes passed with no answer. If it's true, then his story with the grandmother was the perfect excuse not to meet up at his place. He replied after about an hour, "Yes, I'm sorry - I'm just so attracted to you". He also included a sad smiley face at the end of the text. That's his excuse? He's sorry? He's not sorry... He is sorry he got caught though... Which brings me to the third part of my story...
The part where the morals come into play. My five year old nephew uses similar excuses when he wants to prey a candy from his mother. What separates a grown up individual from a five-year old is the ability to accept and uphold responsibility. What was the point of taking those vows if he knew he would break them once the opportunity comes along? Granted, I heard from our mutual friend that the girl is a total bitch (I heard about the girl before, I just didn't know he married her). However, she can be the worst bitch in the world, and she still doesn't deserve it. It is not as if they lived together for ten years, didn't get along and he cheated on her. It's still doesn't justify the behavior, but at least explains it. No, he got married about a year ago, and already, he broke his promise... Or did he think that he took the vows and agreed to uphold them only until the temptation came along? "I am just so attracted to you"? Well, I am attracted to a lot of people, doesn't mean I hook up with them every chance I get. And being an adult.. pardon me, being a married adult, is about taking the responsibility once you enter marriage and stop sleeping around. I was thinking about it while driving home last night... This is the exact reason I don't want to get married yet. Not until I am absolutely sure I will not cheat on my husband. Not until I get the "have fun, fuck the consequences" attitude out of my system. I could, and do, a lot of crazy things, and I live by the principle "Do whatever makes you happy", but I would never, ever, mess around with a married man... Another thing? This means, he did, actually, take the ring off on Tuesday once he realized it was there, probably hoping I haven't noticed it.
R. asked me what I wanted to do. "About what", I asked.
"With him. Do you still want to see him?"
"Hell no. R., he's married..."
"Well, he's just a low-life scum".
She also asked me if I heard from after he admitted he was married. He's way too much of a coward to face it or to say anything else to me.
My other friend, A., told me that "he is messed up in his head and that he has issues". He also told me he would be less shocked if I told him I was pregnant...
My third friend (K.) whom I told about it called him a dumbfuck and told me he should go to hell (she used an exact expression that I cannot really translate as it would lose its meaning, but you get the point). And she still doesn't know the entire story... my manager walked in as I was talking to her today so I will have to call her later and tell the rest.
R. also told me this morning that I should track down his wife or his parents and tell them about it... It's not worth my effort. Karma is a bitch, and what goes around comes around.
At least I have to hope for it, otherwise life is really a bitch...
Listening to a lot of Three Days Grace helps though.

Give thanks.

Today is the last day of my mini-vacation. I guess all that working weekend ordeal finally paid off and I got five days off for the Thanksgiving holiday. And if you count the fact that everyone left early on Tuesday, I got almost six days. Not too shabby, if you ask me. Ever since then, though, it has been an array of parties, dinners and friends gatherings. I honestly cannot say when the day started and the night ended. Everything seems to have blended in and got mixed up in the process. I've slept during the day, and was out for the most of the night, then was up in the early morning, only to watch more movies at 3am.
I stayed out until 6am on Wednesday, which meant that there's no way I was going to make a 4pm dinner at my relatives' house. Turns out, I was right - I didn't make it until almost 5pm. My aunt, and especially my dad, were pissed but still happy I actually made it. At first, I was under the impression that I didn't have to go, but apparently that wasn't the case. So, to be polite, I stayed there until about 7pm and then went home to change, only to head for R.'s house thereafter for my second dinner that evening. I tried to brace myself at my aunt's house, but I cannot say I was majorly successful. Therefore, I only took a few bites at R.'s before settling down to watch a few movies. R., S., S., R. and R.'s brother were there too, however, R. and S. left soon thereafter - R. went to sleep since he was feeling sick and S. went to ... who knows where she went. I had a suspicion that something was fishy about her recent behavior, but figured she is a grown up and should be able to handle it herself.
I was very disappointed though when I found out that she has been talking shit behind my back. No idea why or what for, but the fact still remain the fact. She also referred to some of our mutual friends to blame them for whatever she has been saying, pointing out it was them who started talking in the first place. Thing is, I don't know what they can possibly know about me since I know for a fact nothing ever happened between me and either of those guys (and I think I would have remembered if something did). However, maybe the fact that nothing happened is the exact reason they started talking about me - since I know for a fact three of them wanted to get it on, and when I said no, decided to get their little revenge. In any case, I am no longer interested in dealing with them since I definitely do not appreciate when people make baseless comments about me - especially if those people know nothing about me in the first place.
What bugged me even more though, was the fact that S. never mentioned it and never brought it up, but continued to lie to my face about it. If there's one trait I hate in people, it's lying and gossiping. Lying the most. I do not understand why she deemed it necessary to lie to me that she was hanging out with those guys - after all, it is I that have an issue with them, not her. Had she told me she was going out with them, I would have found someone else to hang out with for the night, no questions asked. However, after I discovered she wasn't truthful, I wonder if the excuse that she used was just a smoke screen to do whatever other things she wanted. Basically, it is much harder to trust someone once the trust's been broken. And it seems like this is exactly what happened in this case. But I guess I have to be thankful that I found out about it, even if in this nauseating way. After all, from now on I can be more careful around certain people I considered friends and it is better to know it and to pick your strategy and your actions, than to stay friends with people who talk about you the moment you turn your back.
It makes it that much harder to trust people in general, though...
After that conversation, S., R., her brother and I stayed up until about 4am watching movies and talking. Then, in the spur of the moment, we decided to go to the mall once it opened up, which meant we had to be up around 5:15am. We went to sleep, if you call an hour a sufficient time for a good night sleep, got up and went shopping. It was a total bust though - no good deals whatsoever... Done by noon, I headed home for some long overdue sleep... and didn't wake up until about 8pm. After that, the day and night got mixed up again and time pretty much flew by. Even now, at 3pm, having just woken up after another night out, I am sitting here wondering how I am supposed to go to bed in a few hours in order to get some rest before the work week.
On the side note, I am no longer sure that people who I thought were my friends should remain them...

Definitely good.

Yes, undoubtedly, a series. Praise to the author... I am surprised I got lucky three times in a row.

Series.

Seems to be some sort of series... This is the second one in two days. I wonder if I will get lucky again?

Remembering the past

I was just browsing and came acroos this awesomeness... Naturally, decided to share it.

Dull times with just a bit of spice.

The past few weeks haven't yielded much to me, both in terms of personal or professional life. I have been mostly preoccupied with my new job, trying to pick up the responsibilities and the general layout of the department. I cannot say I was highly successful ... most of the time I feel like an idiot. There are about a hundred things going on and people have a tendency of throwing the acronyms around... and most of the time I cannot tell the difference between the two. At the end of the day, everything is so scrambled in my head that I don't even attempt to figure anything out. My director told me it takes about six months to learn everything, so I am waiting. Patience is a virtue.
My personal front haven't changed much, and everything is going as it has for the past month or two. My ex A. reappeared though and for some reason insisting on us meeting up again. This time, mildly. Which, for him, is a huge accomplishment. We tentatively made plans to meet up "sometimes soon" after he assured me he will "not try to get into my pants". Judging from our past experiences, I'd rather he didn't. Having not heard from him this weekend, I have figured we'd postpone our drinks yet again, when I ran into him while walking down Foggy Bottom. Great... Isn't DC big enough for the two of us? We managed to stay civilized this time though, having exchanged a few words, mostly meaningless. Then, remembering to stay polite, I made some small talk with his friends, and left. Well, at least it seems like he's made his peace. For what it's worth...
I feel like I am slowly coming back to my former self, actually craving being out and about again...

Current mood.

Is not too bright. I think this picture reflects it perfectly. I was trying out my then-new camera a while ago and as I was browsing through my albums tonight, I realized that it mirrors my present state. I should probably get used to it by now, yet it's the same thing every year around this time. Even though early fall is my favorite season, late October feels different. Yes, it is still warm outside, the trees are beautiful and the air is crisp. Yet, somehow you can feel the life coming to its end. Those bright tree colors are omens of what's to come - bare, lifeless branches. It's not here yet, but you can sense it coming. Perhaps this is the whole point - for life to end, just to be born again come spring. And still, every year I am sad to see it go and reluctant to actually let it go. Unfortunately, I don't have much of a choice. The reality is, it seems, to accept it and hope that it happens for a reason. Although I would be interested in finding out what that reason is... But I guess not until later. Sometimes I catch myself yearning for the past time, at least for what I can remember. I feel like I am holding on to those precious moments of summer and warm weather as it gets closer to winter. And hoping for it to come back. I am waiting...

Winter night (a poem).

This is my favorite poem, hands down. It was not me who've written it, but I made a few futile attempts to translate it in order to share it with the rest of the world. So, without a further ado... here goes... You be the judge, I did my best to relay the emotion behind the text.

Snowstorms blowing everywhere throughout the land,
The candle burned on the table, the candle burned.
As swarms of midges in the summer fly toward the flame
The snowflakes from the yard swarmed toward the window pane.
The blizzard molded rings and arrows on the glass
The candle burned up on the table, the candle burned.
The shadows on illuminated ceiling cast,
Arms, legs and destinies, all fatefully crossed.
Two slippers dropping to the floor with mild tap
Wax tears from the night light dripping on a dress.
And all was lost in snow haze, gray-haired and white,
The candle shined up on the table, the candle shined.
Mild wind blew on the candle from the corner
Temptation heat, as if an angel, raised its wings
Crosswise.
It snowed all month long that winter,
The candle burned up on the table, with a hint.
Blunt...

Late as hell, so bedtime now...

Ameno

I used to listen to Era back in high scool. No matter that I had no idea what they are singing about...nor do I now. I guess they kind of reminded me of Enigma mixed with even more chanting. Just very soothing and calming.I accidentally ran across it on YouTube a while ago, and my passion for Era has been reborn...

Sleeping beauty's party.

Ahh the sweet smell of freedom. Not having to wake up at the crack of dawn... fine at 7:30am. Crack of dawn still, in my opinion. Everything before 10am is. Being able to lounge around all day in my pajamas. This day felt exactly like that. Fells amazing, even though I only have two days to enjoy it. But it's the concept that counts, in my opinion.
Yesterday was S.'s birthday and my last day at work, so I decided to commemorate both of these events by attending the party that he threw. I didn't make it there until late and everyone was there already, including one of S.'s friends that I've never seen before. Well, talk about weird... I remember watching her and S. dance and I saw him looking perplexed. I wasn't sure if he was turned on by the view, or terrified. Turns out, the latter. As he later told me, that girl has a reputation of the one that's been around the block... few times. And even though my eleventh commandment is "Do Not Judge", I couldn't help but frown after the things I heard. But this is not the purpose of this post as it doesn't directly impact me ... However, what happened next, did. After the party was over around 3am, S., The New Girl and I headed to R.'s place for a quick sober up. On our way there, The New Girl kept bragging about the latest guy she's hooked up with and how she wants to do it again this same second. "Fine by me", I remember thinking, "do whatever rocks your boat". Apparently, she didn't really care which guy she was going to hook up with as she ran to the middle of the road and started hauling cars passing by. Seriously? At first I thought she was joking, but after one of the cars stopped, my desire to laugh suddenly evaporated. I mean, we are three girls in the middle of the night in the middle of the street, and you are trying to stop a random guy to pick him up for one night? It got worse from there too. One of the cars actually started following us and the guys driving it were yelling things out to us. Really, really not funny. Who knows what's on their drunken mind at 3am... They followed us around the block, then disappeared, and then reappeared again on the other side of the street. Then, one of them got out of the car and started walking towards us. At that point, I wanted to start running... but he just gave The New Girl his phone number and left. OK, nice... good thing is was just a piece of paper with his phone number on it. Could be worse. I have to call R. and bitch to her about it later today.
We made it to R.'s place shortly thereafter. Thankfully, she was still awake so we decided to hung out for a little bit before driving home, especially since S. was completely gone by that point. We started fooling around and R. took some pictures that I hope would never see the light of the day (I will keep them on my camera though), had some food, and got kicked out by R. around 5am. She motivated it with the fact that she had to get up for work in a few hours. Work? Puh-lease... No one works anymore...
Who am I kidding... I will be back in the office by Monday...

Gone...

...It definitely was a fun ride. Despite all the bullshit and drama, I have to admit I was a bit sad leaving yesterday. Although after I thought about it, I realized that I was more upset about leaving the people behind than the place itself. Certain people, but nonetheless.
The goodbye was short and simple, just like my tenure at the firm. Very few people cried and even fewer were distressed... Alright, I am kidding, it wasn't melodramatic a tiny bit. I did get a card though, it was so funny. During lunch, we went out for dinner, all nine of us. One of the analysts tried to have me pay for it but obviously that didn't work out that well for him. Honestly, I think he still remembers how much we were getting paid there and should not really ask me for things like that. Plus, it's not two or three people... there were nine of them and if I am not mistaken, the entire bill was close to $150. Not a lot, but is for one person to cover.
I also decided to roll out earlier since I didn't see a point of staying there until 5pm. It's not like I've been doing any work there for the past two weeks. What's two more hours?
...I remember when P. quit, he told me he felt as if he could breath easier. At the time, I just laughed it off thinking that he was just so sick of the place, he made up these little stories to make it seem better. But you know what? As soon as I got to my car and drove out of the garage, I felt as if the weight's been lifted off my shoulders and I literally could breath easier. The air was fresher, the sky bluer and the grass greener... the whole shebang. The drive home was a breeze too.
I still have four days until I start my new gig, so it feels like a mini-vacation now. Have got to take advantage of it.
I am free as a bird...

Sticky notes.

My entire cubicle is plastered with post its listing things I should do before I finally leave. I can't believe I only have two days left. Well, technically one since I am taking off early tomorrow. My manager have completely given up trying to have me do things, so now I am mostly sitting around. Not that I am complaining or anything.
Honestly, I am glad I am leaving. I got another proof for it today. I figured that people who work here don't really care about improving the way things are run but are mostly concerned with their jobs and the way they look in front of upper management. Dumbfucks.
I am definitely looking forward towards tomorrow though... and the next few days when I will be able to sleep in and rest. Tomorrow is my friend's birthday too and apparently he's throwing a big party down in DC and we will be able to celebrate both occasions. Should be fun.
I used to have this Sticky Notes application on my desktop, was really convenient. Need to make a sticky note to remind myself to download Sticky Notes when I get home... Get it? Make a sticky note for sticky notes!
I am hilarious...

Small world.

Eight days left... I have so much stuff to wrap up before I leave it's not even funny. And as usual, I am procrastinating about it.
So last Thursday was P.'s last day at work. Technically, it was supposed to be Friday but he decided not to show up. My manager was less than excited about it, of course. As his parting gift, he left a bunch of push pins on my chair... how nice of him... Then today, S. also put in his two weeks. My manager is now looking less than stellar. S. told me that her eyes actually welled up when he told her he was leaving. I'm sure once the upper people find out that one third of her people quit within a month, they won't be too happy about it. Oh well, you make your bed, you have to lie in it...
This past Friday my friends and I went to DC. The place we went to was a nice change of scenery from our usual hangouts. At first, I almost stayed home since I went out the night before but thankfully, changed my mind. Ten calls and texts from my friends probably helped too. The night turned out great and I ended up staying the latest despite the fact I was so reluctant to come out in the first place. I am amazed at the level of rapport my friends and I have. At one point during the night, S. and I were out on the dance floor when I noticed a guy I like standing nearby. Two minutes later, S. asked if he could leave to join the rest of our friends. "Two minutes", I asked her pointing at the guy. She just nodded and stayed there with me until the guy came up to strike up a conversation. We danced and talked for another five minutes. "S., you can go if you want to, I'll stay here." She just smiled and left shortly thereafter. Awesome. No explanations, no puzzled looks... They did come back in another twenty minutes, but only to tell me they were leaving and see if I wanted to go with them. I didn't, so they left. I stayed with the guy a little longer, and then drove up to R.'s place before I went home. And guess what? I didn't get home until the sunrise again...
The next day was N.'s birthday and we went out to dinner in Tysons first, and then to this new club in DC. I didn't expect anything extraordinary of it, but surprisingly, it was really nice there. I especially liked the fact that since I've never been there before, I would not run into anyone I know. Wishful thinking. The moment I went out for a cigarette, I saw A. approaching me. He actually scared the hell out of me since he simply popped up out of the darkness. I was happy to see him since it's been a while, and we arranged to meet up the week after to go skydiving. But I guess I have to talk to R. about the fact that he and I made out in the past*. I just hope she doesn't kill me...

*A. and R. had a fling before I knew either one of them. Is DC becoming too small for me?

Annoyed.

Sitting at work thinking about random shit...
I went out with a friend of mine yesterday. I've met him a few months earlier and he asked me out a few times, but I didn't feel any spark... so now we're just friends.
Anyhow, as I was driving home I got a voice message from him. Here it is:
"Damn, I just got a speeding ticket. Last time I hung out with you, I got a parking ticket, and now it's for speeding. You must have a bad karma or something. Every time I hang out with you, something happens... Damn..."
Here, the recording just stops. Honestly, maybe he shouldn't park where it's prohibited and drive slower when he knows there are bunch of cops on the streets... and stop blaming me.

So fucked up.

Confirmed.

I singed my offer on Tuesday... finally. I was so excited after the meeting that I took the wrong exit to highway and ended up I-don't-know-where. Then it took me more than an hour to get home... And I got a ticket. But after I found out exactly how much I will be making, the ticket doesn't even matter. Although I did not get any points since I convinced the cop that it was the only route I could take and that I was late for a job interview. Which I was... well, not an interview per se, but close enough. At least it's all final now... if I pass my background and drug tests. And as long as alcohol doesn't register on the tox screen, I am good to go.
The funny thing happened a few hours before I left work. I was supposed to submit something to my manager last Friday, but obviously didn't so she sent me a pretty nasty email saying that my dedication and effort level have gone down... Yeah she finally noticed I don't care any longer... But then she turned around and forwarded this email to another manager asking if it was mean... CCing me on it... What an idiot. Obviously after that she had no choice but to talk to me and explain what she did... And by the way, sending this to another manager? Totally unprofessional!
So here's how our conversation went:
Once I walked in, she waived for me to sit down and asked me to talk to her and tell her how I feel. Is she seriously trying to shrink me again? Because that's what she's got degree in so apparently that's the only thing she can do. I didn't say anything, so she went on
M(anager): I've noticed that you are not as concerned with your responsibilities any longer and it frustrates me.
Me: I know.
M.: Don't you want to be promoted?
Me: Quite honestly, I don't think I do at this point.
You should have seen her face at this point.
M.: But don't you want to take on additional responsibilities?
Me: No, because I will be doing the same job as I do now.
M.: But you will be more involved with clients and you will be writing performance evaluations for them.
Me: I am already doing that with my client relationship.
M.: But then you can get promoted to the next position, even to the manager.
Me: But I still will be doing the same job I do now. I don't think there is any reason for me to stay since there are not a lot of opportunities here.
M.: But you can start training people then.
Me: I can train people right now if I join the training team, I just choose not to.
M.: You can be working with clients in the future.
Me: And I still will be doing the same job...
At this point she was sitting across the desk from me, leaning on it as if to get closer to me. Once I said that, she leaned back on her chair, crossed her arms and said,
M.: No, it's not.
Me: (laughing on the inside at her expression) I think it is.

And that was it. I am so happy I was putting in my two weeks the next day. And you should have seen her face the next morning too. She was definitely surprised and taken aback with it. She did not say much, in fact, I don't think she even realized what the letter was about. I gave it to her and she said "Thank You", and so I left and went to my desk. Once I got there though, there was an email from her asking me to swing by to"discuss". That's when I knew it finally hit her I was gone. Moments after I walked out of her office, all managers were in there, apparently discussing me leaving. But you know what? I could care less. I don't feel obligated in any way nor do I feel guilty about leaving in the middle of busy season.

And more great news? Another co-worker of mine is leaving and will be putting in his two weeks shortly. I am so excited for him and cannot wait to see her expression once she finds out he's leaving too.

Back to work and a car accident.

And I am back to work again. Which pretty much sucks. The weekend was awesome though, although I can't remember what I did Friday... I take it as a good sign. No wait, I do... I am pretty sure I fell asleep and then spent the rest of the night in front of the TV with a bottle of wine. So, as you can see it was pretty uneventful. Saturday night I went out with N. and few of her friends. She called me earlier on Friday begging me to come out with her... I think she needed me as a security blanket. She was meeting her ex-husband's cousin and thought it was going to be weird, therefore she asked me to come out with her. Which I did, and it was supposed to be fun until the Buzz Kill showed up. After that point I knew the evening would go down the drain, so I called up R. and S. and asked them to meet me in Chinatown at this place I wanted to check out for a long time. It was a total disappointment. We stayed for about fifteen minutes when S. started whining about it and asked us to leave. First, we agreed to leave in an hour... then in thirty minutes, then we cut it to ten. And guess where we headed? If you are thinking about a [certain DC lounge], you are absolutely right. It was a whirl of music and familiar faces, as usual, and that night I got to bed around 5am. As usual.
The following Sunday we decided to take it easy and meet up at the hookah lounge in Georgetown. Naturally, everyone was late and by the time we got there, it was dark outside. Nevertheless, we got shisha and stayed outside for a few hours. I say "we", but honestly I was the only one smoking it. You know those annoying people who occupy a table outside for hours, talk and laugh loudly and act obnoxious in general? Don't you hate them? I know I do. Well, we were those people that day. The evening flew by like a minute and we agreed to meet up the next day for a movie and dinner. Plus, it was Labor Day so staying home would be a crime in and of itself.
The next morning (or afternoon... when I woke up) I got a text from A. asking if I wanted to go to the mall and help him pick out a few shirts. I didn't want to go at first but staying home sounded even worse, so I agreed to meet him. Shopping was fun except for a few nuances:

• First, we couldn't find the mall that we needed and spent about half an hour walking around
• Once we were done shopping, we could not remember where we parked the car. I guess we were so excited to have found the mall in the first place that we forgot to check where we are leaving it. We spent the next hour and a half looking for the damn thing. And naturally, A. did not have a panic button or anything... Who knew that the mall has four different parking garages. The car was in the third... So I guess the panic button would have been useless anyway.
• As we were driving back home, we got in an accident. My friend hit a partition on a highway, flew out onto the interstate lanes, did a 360 there, spun across four lanes and finally managed to stop the car. I am so grateful it wasn't busy that day, otherwise we wouldn't be the only once who had been in an accident. The damages? Smashed headlight, fucked fender and the rear-view mirror, and scratched doors and rear fender. To my surprise, the bumper and the hood were intact and in perfect condition. From the sound of the impact I thought the engine would be on the ground at this point. I guess we got lucky... somewhat.

It definitely wasn't a lucky day for the car. The stars definitely aligned against it. After that, we went to get dinner and talk about what can be done to repair the damages.

As you've probably guessed, I did not see the "Rush Hour 3" that day. I just went home, thankful for being alive and unharmed...

People must be nuts.

It finally happened. I got a call yesterday saying I got the fucking job... How awesome is that. The guy told me they only hired two people out of twenty two. I just cannot believe I was one of the two. Honestly, I am just really happy I can bullshit my way through anything. If it weren't for my constant yapping for almost two hours, I doubt they would even look at me among all those other candidates. I guess my social skills are good for something after all and all that chatting random people up in bars finally paid off... And people say going out is a waste. It got me a job...
I still cannot believe they actually gave me a job.
Another thing is that the company I interviewed with first also wanted to bring me in for another round of interviews but I guess I am going to pass that offer since... it was one damn job I wanted.
You know what I've realized? It doesn't really matter what set of skills you have and what you can do with them, but more like being able to sell yourself and present your skill set in the best light possible. You can have minimal skills or virtually no working experience (hello, that's me), and still land a very decent job if you are able to make other people like you and convince them you actually know something. They must have believed me if they decided to call me back. And another thing? As I've mentioned yesterday, I interviewed with five different teams and apparently they all liked me and would like me to work for them. Which works out perfect for me since I have a choice now as to what I will be doing for the next few years... That is if I don't get bored with it again... And even if I do, I can always find another job. It's not like it's a difficult thing to do. I can bullshit my way through pretty much anything. And I will actually have some relevant experience once I start this position.
I wish they only knew what they are doing by hiring me...
Crazy people.

Getting away.

I had yet another interview this morning. I truly think it went much better than the one yesterday. I did have to meet with five different managers which was a bit overwhelming and somewhat annoying towards the end (try to repeat the same thing to five different people). However, I enjoyed it overall and I am pretty sure that the first manager liked me as she took more than the allotted half an hour to talk to me. Looks like a good sign to me. I liked one more manager, or should I say I would be interested in working on her team the most as well...
Yesterday was the usual Wednesday night and, as usual, I was in DC. This time, a few of my friends called me up so it was ten of us that went out. It was pretty awesome since I haven't seen some of those people for months. It just meant the evening was going to turn out to be even more exciting than usual. And then a good friend of mine broke news to me that he is leaving the country for a year... going to Africa... leaving next Friday. Damn, damn, damn. It was very upsetting in a way since I've known this guy for ages by now and I will really miss him while he's gone. On the other hand, with all the things that have been going on in his life lately, he does need to get away from here to straighten his life and sort out his thoughts. So hopefully it'll do him some good. Plus, I might meet him in Europe next spring when he takes his vacation and I finally leave this country to travel around a little bit.
Can't wait till that happens...

A mysterious call.

I just had my first job interview today. It went... OK I guess. It wasn't as great as I thought it would be, but then again, I primarily went there to prepare myself for tomorrow's gig since that is the one I really want. The atmosphere was pretty relaxed and informal but, to my horror, I realized that the position is very similar to what I am doing now... and I am trying to escape this line of work. They do seem a lot more forgiving and less stringent but I doubt they would accept my salary requirements anyway. But it was worth a try and helped me avoid the important interview jitters.
The funny thing happened while I was driving back to work. Naturally... when was the last thing something interesting happened? I wouldn't be exaggerating if I say yesterday... Anyhow, I have to back up a little bit... when I was interviewing with managers my phone went off... twice. It was on vibrate so I don't think they heard it, but it was still uncomfortable. Every time it went off, I tried to talk as loud as I could to prevent them from hearing it. Hope it worked. Anyhow, once I was in my car I decided to call back to see who was so persistent. I didn't know the number so when some guy picked up on the other end, I just told him that someone just called me from this number, and then asked who it was. The guy replied, "Is this S.?" - naming some random girl name. "No, you have the wrong number". And then I asked him where he got the number from. He said that some girl gave it to him when he was in DC. Me, thinking that maybe I have done it and just forgot about it, asked when and where it happened. He said it was in Cheesecake Factory in Georgetown. Now I knew it couldn't have been me since I don't go there... ever. And then something unexpected happened... the guy said "Thank you" in Russian... so I said something back.
"You speak Russian?"
"Yes, do you?" I was surprised when he said he does. I expected to hear a few standard phrases that everyone knows, but he was fluent, although had an accent.
It was getting interesting so I kept chatting. He told me about his background and what he does. I decided not to tell him anything, since I didn't know who he was. At the end, when I was about to hang up he asked if we could meet sometimes.
"What for?"
"To hang out somewhere"
"Well, we'll figure out a way to hang out sometime". I will probably never see him anyway.
Seriously, what are the odds of a guy getting a wrong number from a girl (maybe even on purpose), calling that number and coming upon a girl who also speaks his language. What are the odds of me calling him back and keeping up with the conversation until I found out he used to live there for a while... This is very mysterious...
In any case, I have to prepare for my interview tomorrow now and give myself a crash course on CMOs and SOX.
Until the next time.

Young and restless... still.

Seriously, I thought weekends were invented for people to rest. And yet, after this past one, I feel as if I've never stopped to take a break from work. This Monday felt like Friday all over again... At least it was fun.
This year, my birthday fell on this past weekend, therefore I couldn't miss the opportunity to take full advantage of it and instead of having a birth day, have a birth weekend. Why not, right? I decided to take it slow Friday since I knew Saturday would be pretty busy and I needed to be rested. As a result, I ended up in the local bar with a friend and her potential new man. Apparently, she wanted to get my opinion on him to decide whether she wanted to date him or not. The night flew by fairly quick, and then we decided to leave the place and move to some lounge. However, as we were trying to get into one, the bouncer wouldn't let us in since the guy we were with wasn't dressed appropriately. Big deal... we just went to R.'s house and hung out there for another hour or so.
Next day was like a blur. I spent half of the afternoon on the phone trying to coordinate things with my friends who were coming out with me. My stupid phone was going off every ten minutes. Finally, by 8pm everything and everyone seemed settled and I could breath easier... except it started raining. That's just great. Then, as I was about to leave my house, my friend told me that the highway was blocked due to some major accident. Apparently, as he was driving to my house, he saw a fire truck standing perpendicular to the traffic. That sucked big time. I was running late as it is, and having to take an alternative route would delay me even further. That's why I convinced my friends to try and take highway before we do anything else. To my great relief, everything was cleared by the time we left and we got to DC on time. We also got totally soaked the moment we got out of the car. It was raining like crazy and the place we went to looked much emptier than usual. That suited me well since at least we had space to move both inside and outside... The night turned out to be awesome, even though some of my friends couldn't make it because of the rain. It was about fifteen of us that made it and everyone ended up having a good time. We finally left the lounge not long before it closed and headed home. I got to my bed exhausted and passed out almost immediately, but no before uploading all my pictures on my laptop... there's a lot of blackmail there, if you ask me.
And the funniest thing was the present that my friend gave me - the case of wine. It was awesome and so hilarious, and right on point. Now, not only can I get drunk while I'm out but also slowly become an alcoholic within the walls of my own apartment. Just joking... fantastic present though.
Sunday wasn't any slower since it was the day my family came over. More than twenty of them. It was loud and long, but still pretty fun. We certainly laughed our asses off at one guy's jokes and stories - I remember him since I was ten, always telling funny stories and making everyone else laugh till they cried.
Once everyone left, I still had to go meet a few other friends. I have a group of friends who normally don't go out anywhere except movies and Starbucks, and they wanted to see me too over the weekend. I met up with them around 11pm and spend another hour chatting. When I got home around 12:30am, I was exhausted yet again and couldn't believe the weekend was over.
Don't get me wrong, I had a ton of fun, but I feel like there was no weekend at all and that I started off this week without getting any rest. It was all worth it. And by the way, I feel like I'm getting old now... really old. Alright, alright, I am just kidding again. I am having too much fun to feel old. And another great thing? No drama this weekend with guys. Which is an accomplishment in and of itself. Actually, no... I am lying now. Although I wouldn't call it "drama". More like a funny episode.
When I was talking to my friends Saturday night, some guy came over to me and started a conversation, claiming he knows me. His face definitely looked familiar but I couldn't remember where I know him from. And then he said, " You are the one who borrowed my jacket a few months ago!". That's when it came to me... I know him through another friend of mine when we were out together, and as we were about to head home, I took his jacket since it was chilly outside and we had a long walk to the car. I truly hope he got his jacket back, although him not mentioning anything else about it convinced me that he did. The guy told me that since it was my birthday I had to dance with him... and I wanted to, but I was so busy with other people that I simply did not have time to do it. Sorry, hope he forgives me... I guess I'll make it up to him next time I run into him... which I'm sure will happen pretty soon... it's been a theme with me lately... running into people I know from somewhere... half of the time not knowing where I know them from...

Organized confusion.

So today started off kind of weird and up until now, proved to be hilarious. One major thing is the fact that I stayed home last night even though it was a Wednesday night. I simply overslept and by the time I woke up it was too late to go anywhere. My friends bitched at me that I abandoned them but I figured they are together so they would have just as much fun. It's not like I was leaving one of them alone in DC. I missed being out though...
As I was driving to work today, the real fun began. First, I got a text message from this guy I met last Saturday, saying "Bella, went to [DC lounge] yesterday but you weren't there, was looking for you". I then remembered telling him that I usually go to that place on Wednesday. I replied saying that I wasn't there last night. Poor guy... went out all the way to DC hoping I was going to be there. Oh well, it's not like I promised him to show up... not like we made any plans. Then I messaged my friends asking them how their night went, and telling them about the morning message from this guy. Around 11am, one of them replied, "I thought I saw him there... How could you stand him up when he went there just for you?" Obviously, she was mocking me so I replied with some dumb joke and then asked what else was interesting. "Some guy was asking R. about you". OK, this was getting interesting. I waited for another hour until R. got on the messenger hoping to find out who the guy was. Here's how our conversation went.
R.: Do you remember white dude with spikes at [DC lounge]?
Me: White dude with spikes?
R.: Spiky (gel) hair
Me: Short and lean one? (at this point I was thinking about a friend of mine I hang out with quite often all over DC... but then he's not really white...)
R.: Yes.
Me: He's not white... wears a lot of neck jewelry? Hangs out with bold dude? About my height?
R.: No jewelry, he was dancing with you the other time at [the lounge], and then you started kissing, I thought you knew as he acted as if he were good friends with you...
Me: (first of all, I've never kissed anyone there, and now I have absolutely no clue who that was) Kissing? I've never kissed anyone at [the lounge]... lately...
R.: Yes you did! I remember!
Me: I am trying to remember. Definitely white? When was it?
R.: Yes, definitely, definitely, definitely.
Me: Copman? (a nickname my friends gave to my most recent now-ex-flame)
R.: No. It was maybe last week or the one before that.
Me: (OK, so after Copman) The one you bought cigarettes for?
R.: No! Okay, white dude, brown hair, not the cigarettes guy...
Me: (last chance guess that I just thought of) Oh I remember... The one who was sitting with us outside and then went inside... The one you said wasn't your type?
R.: Yes.
Me: Ah... Finally! (I almost forgot about him). What about him?
R.: He was asking about you and looking for you.
Me: Oh? And? (I can't believe she just put me through all that if nothing even happened. I was hoping for some interesting story there).
R.: He was just wondering where you were. That is all.
Me: Damn, I have to start making PSAs every time I plan to show up there. S. told me she saw the guy from Saturday looking for me, now you are telling me about this guy...
Seriously, this is so funny. Half an hour spent trying to figure out who it was... And by the way, I never kissed that guy. We danced, yes, but that was it. I don't care about him anyway, so all that excitement was for nothing... bummer.
Oh well, back to my iPod and The Economist.
And yes, I am definitely going out to [the lounge] today. I guess I have to check in and show my ass there before someone files a missing person report...

A sigh of relief.

So all this mess with the HR manager yesterday? Totally exaggerated to my deepest relief. I called him back today from another phone number and he didn't seem to recognize me since I tried to change my voice up a bit too. Or it is also possible that he is professional enough to pretend he wasn't aware who it was. Either way I am happy we were able to put this misunderstanding behind us.
Now I am happy to announce that I actually have some options. Ah, it feels so good to have options. I have two job interviews next week, and even though the one I mentioned yesterday is more important to me, it's good to know I have a back up. Or at least I can pin them against one another if it comes to choosing between the two. Of course, in order to do that, I have to secure both positions. I am keeping my fingers crossed. For both of them.
I also switched up a bit my plans about buying a new place. Now I decided to wait until winter. First of all, I am hoping for the interest rates cut. Part of it came true last Friday when the Fed finally cut the discount rate. Now I just have to wait for the federal rate cut. Next, I decided to boost my credit score in order to move it from "Good" to "Excellent". I am almost there... actually according to two out of three credit bureaus, I am there, but the other one doesn't think so. Therefore I applied for the credit card earlier today in order to increase my credit line. That, in turn, should bring my credit score up a few points before I am finally ready to buy a house. Another thing, and possibly a major reason, is the fact that I am currently in the process of looking for a new job and, in turn, higher income. Although I think I will be able to qualify for the loan I need now, a higher pay will give me more options and greater flexibility. Plus, I'll be able to save up some more towards my down payment and other associated costs. Lastly, I want to wait a bit and see what happens to the market. I am positive that the buyer market will hold for at least another year, so I have until at least next summer to buy something... Just a few thoughts here.
Anyhow, it's almost time to go home and definitely time to pack up my stuff. Seriously, my iPod has been my savior at work over the past few weeks. It definitely got me through some rough boring days. Just need to keep uploading more songs into it...

The light at the end of the tunnel.

I finally got a phone call from my recruiter this morning telling me she was able to arrange an interview with this financial company I would love to work for. It is scheduled for next Tuesday but I still need to have an interview prep before I go there. The good thing is, these recruiters will actually meet with me to go over the details of the interview, things to expect and lookout for, and such. The only thing left for me to do is to show up for an interview. So wish me luck.
But as usually happens with me, I have to mess up somewhere. Everything cannot be perfect. So I did. On my way home. Last night I got a voice message from this guy whom I met Saturday, but I didn't get a chance to call him back or store his name in my phone. I just figured I'd call him back the next day. Today, as I was sitting at work, I got another phone call from the number I knew was his. Since it wasn't stored, I couldn't tell for sure, but I was pretty positive it was the same number that appeared on my called ID last night. As I was driving back home, I decided to call him back. So I dialed the number and when someone picked up on the other end, said "Hey, it's [me]. What's up with you?" The person, and it was a guy, sounded very surprised, so I repeated the greeting, now adding "dude" at the end of the sentence. The person went quiet so I figured I called the wrong number, or that the guy is sharing a number with someone, and just hung up. Then I decided to check my messages. As I was listening to the most recent one, I felt the color draining from my face and my mouth fell open - the guy who called me while I was at work wasn't the Saturday guy, but turned out to be an HR manager I had a phone interview with last week. You must be kidding me... I cannot believe that an idiot like me did not listen to her messages first and then returned a phone call. I cannot believe I asked him what is up... I cannot believe I called him "dude"... Oh I hope he did not recognize the phone number! The fact that no one called back gave me some hope, but not much... Stupid, stupid, stupid me...
My friend recently told me his desk is an organized confusion... With me, it's even worse.

My life seems to be an organized confusion...

Without wasting any time.

Oh I am so excited it's almost weekend. And it's almost my birthday too so it's about time to start thinking about the place to go and people to invite. I'll do it next week though...
You know the funny thing that happened this Wednesday though? If you've guessed it involves a guy, you're right. That night I last saw E. I forgot to mention that when we ran into each other, I was with another guy and he was with some chick. The best part of it though is that I ran into him again this week. Well, actually he ran into me more like. As I was walking through the crowd of people trying to make my way to the bar, I felt someone pulling on my arm. I turned around and there he was, standing there smiling at me. We chatted for a bit again , and then went our ways. Am I bound to run into him every week now? Anyhow, as the night was approaching its end, I went outside with this guy I met on the dance floor. The moment I walked out, I regretted it though. There was E. with his friends, talking to some girl. He saw the guy I was with, and smiled at me. I smiled back, it's not like he's wasting any time either... For the rest of the night, the guy and I were chatting with his friends since mine were dancing somewhere downstairs. At some point during the night, he gave me a rose, so now it was laying beside me on the couch. Then something hilarious happened. E., who was sitting nearby, got up and started walking past us, actually climbing past us, since the place was fairly packed. As he was doing so, he saw the rose, picked it up and moved it about three inches away from me. Then he just kept climbing... I think he saw some of his other friends at the other side of the couch. So here's the thing... what the hell was the deal with the rose? It looked so funny, I could barely restrain myself from laughing... Why climb and make a fool out of yourself if you could get up and walk extra ten feet?
Anyhow, it's time to go home and this was so amusing, I decided I had to mention it. I guess I'll see him again next week... me with a new guy and him with a new chick. I hope it doesn't happen every week though. Although so far it's two out of two.
Weekend's here... finally.