An unexpected discussion.

I have never thought of myself as a religious person. Moreover, being the sceptic I am, I think that it is not possible to have an absolute knowledge and even the question of existence of the higher power is unknowable by nature and we as people simply do not have enough evidence to make that judgement. I just cannot possibly comprehend that everything that is happening around the world is acceptable, or somehow predetermined, or (and this is even worse) is supposed to be happening.
Anyhow, as I said I have never considered myself religious. However, I got a call from a friend of mine a few hours ago. The moment I picked up the phone I knew it was bad news. He told me a few months ago his dad had cancer and that there is no chance of recovery. Even though he was feeling better the last time we spoke, I knew that the doctors were just postponing the inevitable. And this time he didn't have to tell me anything - just hearing the tone of his voice I realized that it happened. Apparently it happened last Friday night, and he could not call me until Saturday night due to his religious observations. All I could even blurt out was "I am so sorry" - I have no idea what to say in these situations. What can you possibly say to someone who just lost one of the closest people in their life? I couldn't think of anything, but I really don't think he expected me to say much. I think he just needed someone to listen and know they are being supportive and care... Even though I have been friends with this guy for over four years, I have never known him so upset. He tried telling me that he knew it was going to happen eventually and that he was prepared for it, but there is no way in the world you can possibly prepare yourself for news like this. No one is ever ready to say good bye to people they love... In an effort to find some comfort and possibly alleviate some pain I decided I have no other choice but to listen to what he says. To my surprise, instead of talking about his dad started a discussion about some basic religious matters, such as the idea of heaven and hell. Even though I never interrupted him during his speech believing that it will help him deal, I did not agree with anything he was saying. I personally do not believe in the concept itself. If you ever refer to the older religions such as Buddhism, Judaism, Islam or Hinduism you'd discover that none of them have such notion. As such, both Buddhists and Hindus believe in reincarnation and therefore, instead of going to hell, are reborn if they have led an unsatisfactory life. As a result, the thought itself becomes illogical. Even though Judaism has a belief in heaven, it is not a place where righteous go after they die, but rather a place where the higher power resides. There is also a popular Jewish notion that all souls go to one place until the final judgement. Similar idea exists in Islam as well which refers to heaven as an allegory, while stating that hell will only be created on that same Judgement Day. That is why I was perplexed when I learned about the same concept in Christianity presented in an entirely different light. While it states that everyone goes to hell unless they repent, it also equalizes normal people with worst offenders. So how does it work? You do whatever you want with your life - lie, kill, cheat, whatever, but the moment you ask for forgiveness on your death bed, that's it? Done deal? You are forgiven and you go to heaven like everyone else? I don't buy it. I still think that the idea itself was invented during the Dark Ages to keep people obedient before the Church...
I do want to believe that one second spent in heaven equals to all the happiness that has ever been felt by people on earth, but somehow I do not think that the fact that we study Bible or what we do at the end of our lives crosses out everything we've done before. Plus I do not believe that someone out there (assuming there is someone out there) thinks that the direction the world is moving in is honorable and moral.
Anyhow, I did not cut him short since I knew he needed someone to tell him what he needed to hear. I do think it made him feel better assuming you can even feel better in a situation like this.
When I hung up, I decided I want to write about it since I didn't get a chance to tell him what I believe in - I figured I still need to express it. However, when I started I caught myself going back to the only funeral I have even been to. For some reason I could not help but revisit that day over and over. I finally had to stop, and I am actually finishing this post on a different day I started it. It was over seven years ago, still it was one of the worst experiences of my life. I remember this long walk to the cemetery, nasty spring drizzling rain and no one seemed to care about it. I also remember the long procession following the coffin and random people stopping on the street and taking their hats off to pay their last respect. It was an early spring and the snow drifts we still visible on the sides of the street, but no one seemed to notice the cold, or the rain. I also remember when we got to the cemetery, and the priest was talking for a very long time in a language I couldn't understand. Then he started singing and I still could not decipher a single word. No one else made a speech and I do not even think it was part of a tradition to make speeches on funerals. I also distinctly remember some people crying, some barely able to contain their emotions, and others trying to appear strong and somewhat detached. I hated when one woman could not hold her feelings in any longer and she just collapsed on the wet ground, weeping. I hated it because I was doing my best not to cry at that point, but looking at her made it nearly unbearable. I was actually somewhat relieved when people started picking up some dirt and throwing it in the grave, apparently also a part of tradition. After that, everything was pretty much a blur and the next thing I clearly remember is the part when everyone got back to the house, and when I realized that it was finally over... It was a tremendous relief. I don't think there is anything else that can be just as depressing and harsh as this experience was... Nor do I ever want to repeat it.