A trip down a memory line.

It has been more than a year since I graduated. I decided that in light of the passed anniversary, it is time to sit down and reflect on what had happened in this past year. As I look up at my slightly ripped diploma hanging on my wall I cannot help but feel both extremely happy and sad about everything that happened recently.
This post has probably been the hardest I ever had to write. I wrote countless paragraphs only to erase everything and start over. Everything that I came up with before, I did not feel fully it expressed what had happened and how it changed me.
School was tough and fun at the same time. Tough because I had to put myself through it, from tuition and related expenses to transportation. I am grateful my family provided me with a place to stay though, so I wouldn't have to rent an apartment on top of everything. I was given an opportunity to make something out of myself and I seized it and I succeeded. I guess the saying is true, that you can reach any heights you want. However, it also made me somewhat egoistical and, I dare to say it, arrogant. I had no one else to rely on, so there was no other choice but keep telling myself I was enough and handle anything that comes my way. And I most certainly could. But it made be harsh in my relationships with others. I cannot tolerate indecisiveness and flakiness, and I rarely give second chances to guys I am with. If you screwed up, you screwed up and have no one to blame but yourself. It made me self-reliant and now I am not seeking someone. If he is there - great, if not - even better thanks to countless potential opportunities. It takes a lot to keep me involved now. I get bored with them quickly and we split. I know deep inside I'd rather be by myself than with someone I am even slightly uncomfortable with. I play around when I want and I stay engaged when I want - I do what I want all the time. Some may call it inconsiderate. I would probably agree if there weren't other aspects that prove them wrong.
School also taught me about inconsistency in friendships. Thanks to this fast-paced life many have come to worship, it was extremely hard to hold on to friends. The ever-changing environment and a constant rotation between different places and cities diminished my ability to stick to a particular group of friends. I probably met a myriad of different people while in school, yet I have lost touch with the majority of them within only one year. My constant movements from place to place resulted in the absence of a stable circle of trustworthy people. I do have several good friends who I consider reliable and who I would turn to should the need arise. The amusing part of it is that they generally have not met, or are only vaguely familiar with one another. It's more like me in the middle and a group of people around connected to me but not to each other. Perhaps, the circumstances of our first encounters are so different with every single one of them that there are not a lot of common features among them to form a group.
I love my friends to death, yet I am somewhat of a loner. I cannot stand wasting my time sitting home and prefer to be in the company of other people, yet there are only a few I keep close. Only about half a dozen I can trust with everything and am sure they are always there for me. As much as I like the crowd, I cannot stand obnoxiousness. Just as I can't stand gossip and criticism aimed at people I don't know. Maybe that explains why more than a half of my good friends are guys. I hate drama and am drawn to people who feel the same. It is possibly for this reason that I get out of relationships at the first hint of complications or "the talk". And the reason I don't like to explain myself when I do so.
I am a child deep inside, yet I was forced to become an adult early and take care of myself. I've been doing just that ever since, still I don't feel I'll ever grow out of my ways. I easily compromise about insignificant things, but remain extremely stubborn when it comes to the rest of my decisions. I will listen to your opinion, but at the end will do what I want. It got me in trouble countless times, yet I am reluctant to change my opinion once I've formed it. I am told I should learn from other's mistakes, still I keep learning from my own. It's much harder but at least I never forget the lesson.
It takes a while to earn my trust. I have a lot of acquaintances, but only a few people I consider friends. I have a great distinction between these terms in my head even if I call everyone friends when I speak. Once I think of someone as a friend, I'll do everything to be there for them, to help them and to care for them. I am loyal to these people, yet ignorant when it comes to everyone else. I can deal with many things as they come my way, but I can never forget or forgive a betrayal.
I am aged at my young age by my experience, yet I am willing to accept whatever else it throws at me. I am not afraid of the challenge, I am looking forward to it. I am confident to the extreme that there's nothing I cannot deal with at this point. Not after I look back. Not after I have an understanding and knowledge that life taught me...