Melancholy.

It's been very chilly lately. As I've been driving to work today, I could feel the cold winter wind giving me goose bumps on my arms. Still, I didn't close the window because, I don't know if you ever noticed, but winter air has this specific smell I could sense while driving down the empty street. It reminds me of my childhood when we as kids would run out to play outside with the first snow, coming back home wet from the melted snow, frozen and red-faced from the harsh wind, and yet happy and excited from the time spent outside... Oh I think I forgot to mention, winter also makes me nostalgic about years past.
I still think that my early youth years were the best in my life. I don't really remember my childhood, having absolutely no recollection of what happened before the age of six. It also seems weird to me, knowing that I don't remember so much of my life. I do recall some bits and pieces, but it's more like a moment here and a face there. Other than that, nothing.
As I got older, I never cared as much about anything but spending as much time as possible outside until I was about fifteen. Looking back at those times, there's nothing better than the carelessness and freedom that is granted and, more importantly, accepted at that age. No bothers, no issues, no boys, just day after day of disturbance-free life. The only concern being what to do today, what to destroy, where to go. There were no anger, no resentment and no jealousy and everyone got along perfectly fine. It is only when we grow up, these feelings begin to surface and sometimes consume us, leaving no space for rational thinking. They become particularly evident in difficult and stressful situations when people are too exhausted to control themselves in order to hide their true emotions. I sometimes wonder how those innocent kids can grow up and develop these feelings at one point or another in their lives. I wish I could say I am any different, but unfortunately I am not. I, too, hated, or was angry or wished I had never met a particular person. And no matter how much we are trying to protect and defend ourselves against these emotions, we can't. Some will say it is in human nature to feel this way, that anger is just as natural as love, and that hatred is only a part of life. Perhaps it is. But thoughts and comments like these is what sometimes makes me wish we all stayed kids. No animosity, no hate. Nothing that spoils our lives once we grow up. No bitter feelings or regrets.
Maybe it is just me... or maybe it is winter...