Dedicated to V.E.M.

Do you ever wonder how the course of you day can change with just one short phone call? It was this morning and I was at work enjoying my morning coffee and preparing for another day of sitting in front of the computer doing nothing. The weather was decent which promised an opportunity for an evening entertainment. I was sitting in my chair mentally going through the list of places I could visit later in the evening, discussing every possibility with a friend of mine who finally agreed to come out with us too. It was pretty quiet at work as people just got in and were still trying to wake up or wrap up tasks they haven't finished the day before... And then I heard a ring of my phone, piercing the morning silence (which I naturally forgot to switch to vibrate). I jumped from my chair and checked the caller ID - who could be calling me at 10 o'clock in the morning. The screen read "Dad." I picked up the phone thinking he needed me to check on something or inform me of some upcoming family engagement, but the moment I heard his voice I knew something was wrong. "It's about V.E.M.", he said. He didn't have to say anything else - I instantly knew what happened. "He passed away early this morning", he said, "Complications after the surgery." The person I remembered since I was five years old has passed away. Unexpected surgery, doctor's promises that everything would be fine, long albeit fairly stable recovery period, and now this. It just didn't make much sense. "When are we going there?", I asked. We weren't. He said my grandmother was sick at the time and that we wouldn't be able to go. This made even less sense. Shouldn't we at least pay our last respects? It is not like we had to go across the globe to do so, it was in California. The trip could have been completed within two days. Leaving on Saturday, coming back the following Monday. Puzzled, I told my dad it's fine and hung up...

Another person that meant something to me was gone...

You know, I am not religious or anything but I guess at moments like this one starts wondering about these things even though one doesn't believe in them. So this time too, I was sitting at work somehow positive that we will be able to see those we knew and respected again. Don't know how, but it has to be true... otherwise it would be too hard to deal with these things when you have nothing to look forward to. At times like these it seems like they are not gone, but merely lurking out of sight, behind the veil, so close and at the same time so far, reminding of themselves every year on their anniversary. Seems like all you have to do is extend your hand, pull the curtain back and reach out to them, but the moment you try to do so, they pull away and are even farther from you than ever before...
I was trying to think of all the positive moments we spent together, but with every passing minute it was harder and harder to do. Why is it that we forget things we try to remember and remember things we try so hard to forget? This time too, I had a hard time picking out those good moments out of the mess of memories I have of my childhood and adolescence. Yet, all the negative vaporized from my memory, yielding spece for better memories and experiences. And this is how I will always remember him...



You will always be smiling in my dreams and memories...